It’s been another tough week. I am at home and the electric is due to run out any minute. I get paid on Tuesday and there is no food left. There was £10 in my overdraft, I had intended to swipe it out before my phone bill took it the next day, but while I was out with friends I forgot. Now I am back to Nil.
Every time I find myself here I tell myself never again. Never, ever again. But every month when I am paid I pay rent, council tax, electricity, the water bill, the energy bill, insurance, travel, my phone bill and I have so little left for myself. I feel so guilty when friends invite me to birthdays because I either have no money to pay my way or no way to get home. Failing my driving test this week was the pierce of the knife. I came so far and had come so close.
In all of this, I commit everyday to creating the most gorgeous future for myself, to use healthy and organic foods to empower my body, to pour myself into love and it is so hard. Why does everything feel so fucking hard? I suppose there is no point to this post, I just needed to write my way out of frustration. I hope it gets better soon.