The steam room

Does your heart ever beat so strong that it nudges your whole upper body to the left? This happens to me sometimes in the steam room, thoughts flow like they are running from a faucet. Thoughts that have me running back and forth in my leopard print bikini, sauna to changing room. I write them out on paper. I sit down, breathe. Repeat.
My beauty hack will forever be the sauna and steam room. It just does something to my skin. It is somewhere to release anxiety, where I go to breathe deeply. Through sweating in the sauna, I release toxins from my entire body. I detox. I wash and treat my hair with coconut and hibiscus conditioner, I exfoliate my skin with the juice of lemon. I leave looking brighter.
The temperature in the sauna is around 100°C and the sand timer lasts 15 minutes, the longer I stay in the deeper the cleanse. I sit here in the heat, sweat pouring from my pores. I want to leave before 15 minutes, but I want to receive the full benefit, and I realise; when I am in intense pain or discomfort, I want out. I want to change the topic of conversation, not speak on what has hurt my feelings, a secret escape, I think fantasy is my easy button. Fastened to the bench in this dry heat, I remember what Glennon Doyle Melton said about pain. She says:
‘When we easy-button our way out of our pain, we are like caterpillars that jump out of the cucoon right before we would have become butterflies.’
I am an extremely sensitive person and thus I have accepted that I cannot dodge fear or pain. Whether I want to skip a driving lesson (because I find them brutally difficult) or I want to cheat during a round of exercise, I now remind myself of these words. Again and again and again.

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