I have this terrible habit of starting my writing and not finishing it. I would say I have a knack for seeing things through to completion; projects, journeys, relationships. But with writing I seem to stammer my way through pages of procrastination. How ironic is it that the thing I love the most, is the thing that I resist the most? And how funny is it that my first thought in the morning, is the last thing I do at night? Someone very special to me once told me that we deprive ourselves of powerful endings. And that is what I do every time I put my dreams on the back burner. Imagine what my life would look like if I had finished my novel, and my poetry collection, and launched all of these ideas that turn on spindles in my mind? I want more than anything to write and create and adventure and love and make love. I’ve just got to see this through. I am creating a life for myself where all of this is possible, and I would like to take you on this journey with me. That being said, the post you are about to read, I started about two weeks ago lol, and finished tonight.
#ANote2Self is magical. It gives me space to see where i’m at and to see who I am. It makes sacred the struggle. I have decided that I am going to enjoy my life. Whatever the circumstance.Recently, I have been struggling with the journal question ‘what will you enjoy today?’ I am working pretty much all day everyday. And the answer ‘work’ is starting to taste bland. On weekends I work in the residential home of adults with learning disabilities. I support them with their day to day care. This is where I am now. Having a breather in the conservatory. Meditation journal in hand. One of the residents has just come up to the glass door and squashed his whole face against it and I laugh because I find his silliness funny, and he knows that so he does it again, and I laugh even more. I am such a child. But in that moment it hits me.
The little things.
I will enjoy the little things, like exfoliating my skin in the bath. The places i’ve lived over the past 8 years have never had baths in and I’ve worked so hard to be be able to have one now. I will enjoy it. I will enjoy washing up. It can be so calming and relaxing when I allow it to be. I will enjoy the silly little things the people I support do to make me laugh because happiness just comes so easily to them.
I recently did a personal development course which focusses on cultivating more of the thing you authentically love in life. Ironically, my thing was love. This is the course that produced my book Letters of Love. One of the tasks that we had to do was to pour love into every single thing that we do for a whole week. Every act we took, and every breath we uttered would be guided by love. The funny thing is, that week was not different from any other week. Nothing remarkable or out of the blue happened to me. But it was one of the best weeks of my life. Waking up in an unpenetrable state of love? Bliss.
I have learned that love is a practice. We can create magic in any moment when we choose to pour love into it. And If we do this as best we can for the rest of our lives people will feel home when they are with us. And they will know paradise for having left us. Sometimes happiness isn’t lightyears away but here now, and sometimes the little things are the biggest things.